Its official..........

I rejoined Slimming World yesterday!

I was pretty apprehensive about walking into a brand new group but as soon as I sat at the new members table and members came up to talk to me and say hello to Jenson I felt at ease and welcome straight away, the consultant is really lovely too and seems like she really cares about all of her members.

I was so worried about stepping onto the scales, but I shouldn't have been, I've not gained as much as I thought and weighed in at 17 stone exactly. Now this is 2st 6lbs more than my lightest on Slimming World (when we moved to Devon) and so I have set that as my first target...14st 8lbs.

I've done ok the first two days and have downloaded a seven minute workout app to fit in exercise while cooking or running the bath etc on days when I can't get to Zumba or for a walk.

Skinny hubby isn't helping though, he sat in front of my eating his fried egg on white toast with crisps for lunch today while I tucked into my Jacket potato with baked beans.....I wouldn't usually eat it anyway but because its not "on plan" I wanted it.....he can't win really. I need to remember I want to be fit and healthy more than I want food!

Anyways need to pick up the daughter from School!

Will take measurements and pics tonight to watch my progress as I begin my new slimming world journey....

Oooppss......

Ok ok, I know, I have been AWOL for a while. So much for being committed this time hey! In my defense I have been super busy with moving house, holidaying in France with the family, little man turning one and the biggest one starting School and I have to admit my food choices haven't been great, the freezer full of healthy meat and veg packing up and losing the lot and now the integrated fridge too hasn't helped either.

I haven't weighed myself since we returned from France when I was 16st 10lbs which I was really pleased with. I have had quite a bit of cake for little mans birthday though so I'm not expecting the same when I weigh in the morning.

I am joining a Slimming World group again the week after next and hopefully get to at least one fitness session a week with the local personal trainer. In the mean time before I start I'm hoping to lose a couple of lbs in this next week even though I am soooo fed up with everything that all I wanna do is eat crap and drink wine.....hmmph! I need to get motivated and start changing things or I will never feel any better about me, work, home the lot!

Will update tomorrow once I've braved the scales.........

Week two!

Well, what a lovely, busy week it has been! We drove up to Leicester on Thursday, I had a day of pampering getting my nails and hair done on Friday which was a real treat. My friend Nataliya has opened her own beauty salon in Leicester City Centre so the hubster treated me to new acrylics in the morning and our favourite hairdresser dyed and cut my hair in the afternoon. I felt very spoilt for a few hours and it was lovely hehe.

New hair thanks to the lovely Donna

My lovely nails from one of my besties new beauty salon!

We went to the the wedding on Saturday, near Nottingham. Wow, it was absolutely amazing, although I didn't expect anything less of Lisa! It was in a gorgeous venue and she looked so stunningly beautiful! The evening reception was absolutely hilarious, drunken carnage with dance offs and lots of falling over, not by me I might add thankfully haha.

I ended up wearing my trusty old maxi dress, I tried on my whole outfit last minute on Friday night, felt awful and went down to show the fam and my Mum just said "you're not going to feel comfortable in that are you" which I translated to "you can't wear that, it looks terrible" haha, luckily I had packed the maxi dress last minute and Mum had a clutch bag and facinator that matched the green in the dress so I felt ok (ish) in the end. It has however made me even more determind to create a new body, especially with the new hair and nails too hehe. I did eat and drink far too much on Saturday though but it was worth it, had a fab weekend!

All ready pre-wedding in our gorgeous room courtesy of the lovely bride and groom. Excuse the face, hate taking photos of anything other than my face haha!

It was of course lovely seeing my family again and the kids loved spending time with Nanny and Grandad, Auntie Bec Bec, Jacob, Livi and Daisy-Mae. They were good as gold for Nanny on Saturday and had fun at the local annual village fete where I first met their Daddy, 12 or so years ago. They went to bed like a dream too which meant I could enjoy the evening reception without having to worry, bonus!

So, after Burger King on the way to Leicester, Bangers and Mash at the pub with Hubby's Dad on Friday, the 3 course wedding breakfast and lots of alcohol on Saturday, a full English breakie and Mums yummy Sunday dinner followed by apple strudle and custard on Sunday, I have managed to claw it back Monday and Tuesday and have managed to lose 2lbs this week! Must have been all the dancing on Saturday!!

02/07/2014

This week I have spent more time looking after me and have even treated myself to a few new tops and I feel so much better for it! Lots of people have commented on my hair too and it feels good! I can't wait til people start noticing my weight loss again.

Oh yeah, with how lovely the wedding was, we have decided that we want to renew our vows on our 6th wedding anniversary next year 5th September 2015, this will be the only time it is on a saturday until 2019, so hopefully we'll look at booking that asap and I really will have something to aim for and I will finally be able to wear a wedding dress and feel like we've done it properly and have the kids and all our family and friends there to celebrate with us this time! Exciting....watch this space!......

Nobody mention THE wedding....

One of my longest, bestest friends is getting married on Saturday, the thought having to dress up, out of my comfort zone keeps bringing me out in cold sweats, giving me nightmares and basically sending me into nervous breakdown territory. I know the vast majority of her guests are stunning and slim so I'm feeling the pressure.

I have ordered and paid for 10 dresses online, 9 of which have gone back! The only one I remotely liked is far shorter than I would usually wear, not that I ever wear dresses but it is the only one that doesn't make me look like a tent or Mr Blooby in a dress! I have got my support body suit that arrived last week and the support tights to try and slim my legs down have arrived today! I hope it cools down a bit by then or I'll be melting!

This is the dress.....

All I can say is hurrah for the bar! I think its  the only thing that will get me through the day without wanting to change the minute I arrive! I'll try and get a picture of me dressed up on the day but I'm not promising. On the plus side I'm getting my hair and nails done on Friday and I've not had either done for aagggeess and the wedding will be amazing so despite my issues, I'm going to flippin enjoy it! Oh and did I mention it's child free........

The moment of truth.....

So, my first week has had its ups and downs. I have come to the conclusion that I definately need to get back to a group weigh in as soon as possible! As much as I have tried to be mindful about what I'm eating, I haven't been keeping track of what I'm putting in my mouth and haven't been as good as I'd intended. I'm also trying to work and run the house with 2 kids practically on my own, the hubby is out so much with work that he's barely home and when he is I can't rely on him for anything, as soon as he has a call, he has to go.....the downside of being a taxi driver for his own company. 

There has been a few times this week where I haven't taken meat out of the freezer so we went out for a carvery, hubby and I had Dominoes on Monday night then last night we ended up down on the seafront with friends who were getting fish and chips for tea, our daughter overheard and of course wanted to do the same, so we did. Oh and star week reared its ugly head on Thursday too so that hasn't helped things! I could make excuses all day, they are genuine but it is still not good enough, I need to be more organised for such events and remember to get my meat out of the freezer and have back ups if I forget and plan my weekly meals again! 

All things considered though I'm still completely chuffed with what the scales said this morning especially as I was dreading standing on them............

16st 13 1/2 lbs so that Is 3 1/2 lbs lost! 

We're heading back to Leicester for the weekend and I always find it tricky sticking to plan when we go as we stay with my parents who never plan meals and we're at a wedding all day Saturday with lots of booze and food, will try my best and get right back on it on Monday!

On another note, I went clothes shopping on Monday, bought a top I really liked in the shop, put it on yesterday for a few hours and decided its a bit too fitted and clings to my bumpy bits so its in the wardrobe until I've lost a stone and a few inches! Joy! Hopefully be able to wear it before the summer is over haha!

I wish I didn't care what I looked like!

This is me....

I've decided to take desperate measures and start writing everything down, on here for the whole world to see, well it is more for me to stay focused and see how I'm doing and be brutally honest with myself in a bid to finally stop the cycle of losing weight and gaining  it all again. I'm what you would call a yo-yo dieter, I've stopped and started more 'diets' over the last 15 years than I've eaten blueberry pie. Actually, I don't think I have ever eaten blueberry pie but you get the idea! My sister suggested the blog name and I liked the sound of it, she's the writer of the family, I'm not really very good at it but need somewhere to keep my thoughts, goals, weigh ins, failings and successes. I really hope no one I know sees it. I'm so ashamed of how I have let myself get yet again, don't get me wrong I'm just under 3 stone lighter than my heaviest but my weight is creeping back up again after the birth of my second child and I feel awful, oh well, I'm not ashamed that I'm finally doing something about it!

My Hubby took this photo today, which he thought was cute, of me with my son fast asleep on me after his milk, I took one look at it and deleted it from his Facebook and thought this has got to stop, NOW!

 He was cuddled right in to me by the way, but he is such a fidget and he wanted to watch his big sister playing so he ended up asleep in this position.

I'm a 30 year old mum of two, a Daughter called Skye who is 4 and 9 month old son Jenson. I love my children to bits however, for the last 4 years I've just been Mummy, I've kind of forgotten who Vikki is! All my time and effort goes into the kids and I've stopped looking after me. Today is the day I take control and realise that I need to look after me so I am able to look after them better and be the best Mummy I can be! No more, not now Mummy is too tired or Mummy can't do that she's too big! I want to be a Mummy who will run along the beach or round the park without passing out within 30 seconds, I want to be a Mummy who is a positive role model and not pass on my negative body confidence. I want to be happy to be photographed with my family. I don't want to be the fat Mummy at the school gates and them be picked on because of my size! 

Furthermore, I want to be more confident in my own skin and be able to dress my age and not be so frumpy, I look at so many woman I know, quite a few are years older than me, who can go out for drinks in a nice dress and heels or into town in skinny jeans and a vest top and there is me in my black cardigan, leggins and baggy t-shirts. I own about 4 tops, 2 pairs of leggins, 1 pair of jeggins, a pair of skinny jeans, boot cut jeans, my work trousers and my 2 trusty black cardigans that I wear on a day to day basis, I have to wash my clothes almost every other day to make sure I've always got something clean to wear. Obviously I have half a wardrobe and chest of drawers full of clothes but only the above mentioned are what I feel comfortable in. My self esteem has reached such a level that I won't even undress in front of my poor Husband, I know he loves me no matter what, hey he's seen me a lot worse but for some reason I had more confidence then than I do now. 

I want to finally be medically seen to be 'normal' not obese or overweight! I want to have a conversation with someone and not think I bet they're just thinking I'm a fat cow! I don't want to be defined by my size, I want to be the fun 30 something me, Mum, Wife and friend that is bursting to get out, literally, my new top that is elasticated at the bottom has just ridden up my back fat! 

I've always been bigger than all my friends but I guess my weight started to become a problem at 18/19 when I joined my first Weight Watchers group. At my heaviest in 2010 shortly after my Daughter was born I was 19 stone 12 lbs, my lightest I can remember was 13 stone 6 lbs in 2004, I gained over a stone a year in 6 years! That is so disgraceful! I had managed to get down to 14 stone 8 lbs in about 18 months with Slimming World to the end of 2011 but then I moved from Leicester to North Devon and have been comfort eating ever since, well I have been back to Slimming World several times and although I can stick to it for a few weeks/months, I can't seems to make it work long term, the group I was going to wasn't as good as my old Birstall group which hasn't helped, I also used to go to my old group with friends which gave me a competitive streak too and helped me stick to it. I have also had a baby since moving here and I always crave sugar in pregnancy, so that obviously hasn't helped.

I've tried quite a few weight loss plans over the years, including short term quick fix diets like the Special K diet and cabbage soup diet, I've done Weight Watchers and Slimming World several times and had good results with both when I'm fully focused and able to stay to the group meetings! There are no meetings locally that I am able to get to at the moment, Hubby has started his own Taxi service and so if I want to go anywhere that isn't really child friendly I have to have someone available to look after the children, which, as I work and need childcare for that, I don't think it is fair I put them on people any more, so I'm going to try and follow Slimming World again, on my own and weigh in every Wednesday morning on here with a photo of my scales so no cheating! Hopefully I might be able to get to the meetings again soon, I find the group support really helps me maintain my focus but hoping this will do that for me in the meantime! 

This is today's first weigh in result

Very ashamed but today if the start of a new me and I will never see that number on the scales again!

Wow, well I have rambled. Like I said I'm writing this for me but if it can helps someone along the way then great! Please, if you feel the need to comment, be kind, I don't think my self esteem can take any bashing at the moment! I know my writing isn't the best and to anyone else it is probably just plain boring but hopefully its not completely awful, well done if you got this far!