I've decided to take desperate measures and start writing everything down, on here for the whole world to see, well it is more for me to stay focused and see how I'm doing and be brutally honest with myself in a bid to finally stop the cycle of losing weight and gaining it all again. I'm what you would call a yo-yo dieter, I've stopped and started more 'diets' over the last 15 years than I've eaten blueberry pie. Actually, I don't think I have ever eaten blueberry pie but you get the idea! My sister suggested the blog name and I liked the sound of it, she's the writer of the family, I'm not really very good at it but need somewhere to keep my thoughts, goals, weigh ins, failings and successes. I really hope no one I know sees it. I'm so ashamed of how I have let myself get yet again, don't get me wrong I'm just under 3 stone lighter than my heaviest but my weight is creeping back up again after the birth of my second child and I feel awful, oh well, I'm not ashamed that I'm finally doing something about it!
My Hubby took this photo today, which he thought was cute, of me with my son fast asleep on me after his milk, I took one look at it and deleted it from his Facebook and thought this has got to stop, NOW!
He was cuddled right in to me by the way, but he is such a fidget and he wanted to watch his big sister playing so he ended up asleep in this position.
I'm a 30 year old mum of two, a Daughter called Skye who is 4 and 9 month old son Jenson. I love my children to bits however, for the last 4 years I've just been Mummy, I've kind of forgotten who Vikki is! All my time and effort goes into the kids and I've stopped looking after me. Today is the day I take control and realise that I need to look after me so I am able to look after them better and be the best Mummy I can be! No more, not now Mummy is too tired or Mummy can't do that she's too big! I want to be a Mummy who will run along the beach or round the park without passing out within 30 seconds, I want to be a Mummy who is a positive role model and not pass on my negative body confidence. I want to be happy to be photographed with my family. I don't want to be the fat Mummy at the school gates and them be picked on because of my size!
Furthermore, I want to be more confident in my own skin and be able to dress my age and not be so frumpy, I look at so many woman I know, quite a few are years older than me, who can go out for drinks in a nice dress and heels or into town in skinny jeans and a vest top and there is me in my black cardigan, leggins and baggy t-shirts. I own about 4 tops, 2 pairs of leggins, 1 pair of jeggins, a pair of skinny jeans, boot cut jeans, my work trousers and my 2 trusty black cardigans that I wear on a day to day basis, I have to wash my clothes almost every other day to make sure I've always got something clean to wear. Obviously I have half a wardrobe and chest of drawers full of clothes but only the above mentioned are what I feel comfortable in. My self esteem has reached such a level that I won't even undress in front of my poor Husband, I know he loves me no matter what, hey he's seen me a lot worse but for some reason I had more confidence then than I do now.
I want to finally be medically seen to be 'normal' not obese or overweight! I want to have a conversation with someone and not think I bet they're just thinking I'm a fat cow! I don't want to be defined by my size, I want to be the fun 30 something me, Mum, Wife and friend that is bursting to get out, literally, my new top that is elasticated at the bottom has just ridden up my back fat!
I've always been bigger than all my friends but I guess my weight started to become a problem at 18/19 when I joined my first Weight Watchers group. At my heaviest in 2010 shortly after my Daughter was born I was 19 stone 12 lbs, my lightest I can remember was 13 stone 6 lbs in 2004, I gained over a stone a year in 6 years! That is so disgraceful! I had managed to get down to 14 stone 8 lbs in about 18 months with Slimming World to the end of 2011 but then I moved from Leicester to North Devon and have been comfort eating ever since, well I have been back to Slimming World several times and although I can stick to it for a few weeks/months, I can't seems to make it work long term, the group I was going to wasn't as good as my old Birstall group which hasn't helped, I also used to go to my old group with friends which gave me a competitive streak too and helped me stick to it. I have also had a baby since moving here and I always crave sugar in pregnancy, so that obviously hasn't helped.
I've tried quite a few weight loss plans over the years, including short term quick fix diets like the Special K diet and cabbage soup diet, I've done Weight Watchers and Slimming World several times and had good results with both when I'm fully focused and able to stay to the group meetings! There are no meetings locally that I am able to get to at the moment, Hubby has started his own Taxi service and so if I want to go anywhere that isn't really child friendly I have to have someone available to look after the children, which, as I work and need childcare for that, I don't think it is fair I put them on people any more, so I'm going to try and follow Slimming World again, on my own and weigh in every Wednesday morning on here with a photo of my scales so no cheating! Hopefully I might be able to get to the meetings again soon, I find the group support really helps me maintain my focus but hoping this will do that for me in the meantime!
This is today's first weigh in result
Very ashamed but today if the start of a new me and I will never see that number on the scales again!
Wow, well I have rambled. Like I said I'm writing this for me but if it can helps someone along the way then great! Please, if you feel the need to comment, be kind, I don't think my self esteem can take any bashing at the moment! I know my writing isn't the best and to anyone else it is probably just plain boring but hopefully its not completely awful, well done if you got this far!
